something tsunami excerpts

so a full book’s worth has been sitting on my computer since it was completed in 2002…has been transferred from the old pc tower to the laptop and now recently to the macbook pro. my goal this year is to finally get it published. it features an interesting disarray of my work back when i used to write constantly and sent out each installation (there were 26 of them) weekly or biweekly through aol (yes it was that long ago). here are a few excerpts from that collection i wanted to share with you all…

So I’ve thrown myself into the fire
I’ve been on my own for more than five years now
And it feels amazing

Everything happens because the Earth revolves around something
And I can’t imagine “Is there life on other planets?” is even a question
It should be a common statement like “Don’t touch that it’s hot” and “My name is Ishmael”
I want to change the world

I always said that I’ll never learn unless I’m burned like a witch
So I’ve thrown myself into sorcery
I’ve been a heathen for much, much more than five years now
And it feels fabulous

I want to change the world
I want to change the world
Cause I found out tonight I’m not alone
I want to change the world

I’m gonna make the sunrise in America
When the sun in China sets
But when China’s day starts
America’s does too
But there shall be no Eastern Standard Time
All the clocks will stay on the same time
And when China’s day ends as the sun goes down
America’s day ends as the sun is about to rise

I’m gonna change the world
I’m gonna change the world
I have my plan
I’m about to change the world.
Like I’ve said before
I’m a cerebral jester
I’m like a couch
I’ve thrown enough parties to know who I am
Like I’ve said before
Masturbation isn’t always physical
Like I’ve said before
I don’t want the first thing people to think of me is that I’m gay
Like I’ve said before
Hello
What’s up room
greetings men
Come to my restaurant and have dinner
Every day a small group of farmers go out and trim the weeds each day but the weeds grow back the next
Like I’ve said before
Good Grief
Like I’ve said before
I’m a bisexual female trapped in a very straight man’s body
Casual Mayhem
Like I’ve said before
I feel so fat
It’s brilliant
Like I’ve said before
I really like writing on the train because you’re moving so fast yet you are sitting completely still
Like I’ve said before
Religion is just an excuse to give up your God-given powers
Like I’ve said before
I’m an automasochist
I’m not going through my whore phase
Like I’ve said before
I wasn’t sleeping
I should go home
Pseudonympho
Like I’ve said before
no I just asked the phone company if they had that number available and they did so I got it
Keep in touch
Fuck me
Are you happy you came over?
Like I’ve said before

Mercy Mercy me
What have we got here?
The mother fucker was a poet
God Damn it…

This message is written in blood
The blood of the sacrifice
To the revolution
You can hear me now
Someone had to suffer
To get your attention
Sympathy for the children
Don’t make a mistake
Let it go
There shall be another time
Destroy what you have created
Before it is born
The pain will find itself relief
The sufferers shall pass on
The time has come
The prophecy to discover the prophecy
To live eternally

And the subway singer sings

Ave Maria

So beautiful

among the dirty hallways
between the paths of the rats
vibrating upon the scattered batteries
his voice
i wondered where I’d use that coin
the golden coin
with the face of Sacajawea
hope I spelled that right
I’ve heard him a hundred times
on the way home from work at the thrift shop
in the 77th st. train station
but tonight
he sounded marvellous
tonight he deserved no adjective less than exquisite
I gave him all the metal in my left pocket
for him to live a little longer
to hear him again maybe one night
in that I find my poetry

(I could simply say I need to get a new easel instead of cleaning up the one I already have and start over and begin this journey on the right foot instead of the left one but I think I’d rather just deal with the fact that I’m only human and my train of thought is just a few stations away from my destination. I could simply believe that all good things come to those who wait but if you wait too long you might pass up an opportunity that would allow others to wait for you. I could simply put less food on my plate and eat it all and still be hungry rather than bloat myself up with ideas and notions of a better planet. I could simply reboot my computer and open less windows so I don’t have to turn the heat on full blast because my goosebumps are too large as I walk down the deserted alleyway. I could simply wake up early and clean those dishes and take out the trash and iron my clothes instead of praying the transfer is there when I get to the bank. I could simply go and pay that bill down the block while I have the money in my drawer instead of calling up and begging to postpone the disconnection. I could simply walk a little faster, run a little slower, get that gym membership, scrub that tile, write that novel, drink that beer, set that alarm, cut that fruit, go home early and feel fresh the next day.)

(I’ve never been in your situation
And you’ll never be in mine
We are all just wavy lines
We all have our health issues
We all have reasons to smile
But we only have shadows
Wherever light shines
Pull it all out of me
Until I am just this human shell
I want to be free
For just a moment
Meditation is the greatest intimidation
We all have our poetry
We all have our paragraphs
We all have our nicknames
We all have our quotes
We all have our parentheses
Tears are in your eyes
Blood is in your veins
Everything belongs
And everything belongs somewhere
It’s when things run in madness and mayhem
That life truly begins)

(Guess what?
Every candle eventually burns out
As long as you light it
Guess what?
Every battle has a winner and a loser
Guess what?
Poison is only dangerous
If you drink it
Comfort
Comfort
Comfortable
Eloquence and anticlimax
Symphony and celibacy
Travesty and foundation
Bongo
Bongo
Bongo drum
Repetitive for one time only
Common cents
In my dresser
In my dreams
In my library
In my locker
In my delicacy
In my heart
In my good-bye
Guess what?
Words are useless
Unless you know what they mean
Unless you know how to use them
Unless you know what to look for
Unless you know how to say them)

(In black and white pictures
You would look the same
Beautiful
Kind
Gentle
Singing your song while sitting on the sofa
Legs stretched out
Companion
Confidante
A damn good listener
Ah…
To love and be loved
In return
Were you crying?
Were you certain?
Were you awake?
Were you aware?
In black and white pictures
You will remain
Beautiful
Kind
Gentle)
*in loving memory of Fido… the atypical kitty with the typical puppy name