Dear Gusty,

I’ll say my name is Manfred. I come from a relatively respectable lineage from the South. I sadly admit that my familly’s history has those terrible words ‘plantation’ and ‘slavery’ tangled within and those circumstances and that knowledge has certainly shaped me into the man I am today. I don’t know whether it would be considered a fetish or a much deeper psychosis or what have you but ever since I was a young boy and realized that our family would be nothing without the ‘hired help’ that trickled down the family tree along side us, I have had a certain passion. It may sound bizarre but I have a burning need to somehow right the wrongs of my family in my own distorted way. I wouldn’t say I necessarily enjoy it always but I constantly seek out ways to overcompensate and I overindulge in ferocious sexual relations with men of African descent. Until I was about eight years old, we had a gentleman by the name of Theodore, who would work for my father. He would do carpentry, construction and various other maintenance work in and around our large estate. I never had any sort of typically cliched sexual rendevous with him but I would talk to him and listen to him and sometimes even help him bath or massage his sore muscles because I knew he worked so hard from morning until night and I gathered my parents most likely were very frugal with his monetary compensation. Now as a still somewhat closeted gay man living in New York City, I find myself agressively trying to pamper the men I find myself attracted to. I’ve never dated a White man and have always found myself in a very submissive relationship with the Black men I get involved with, be it a one night stand or a casual affair. Most of them definitely enjoy it and feed off my hunger to satisfy their every whim, but recently I’ve been enamored with a West Indian man who is almost disgusted with my behavior. We have intense love making sessions for the most part, he has the stamina of a wild horse and takes me to the highest peaks of pleasure I have ever experienced but when my actions sway towards begging to be humiliated and disrespected he gets immediately turned off and it shatters any solace we may have found together. I really like this man and would love to dive deep into a relationship with him but I’m constantly battling my behavior and the ways I have learned to please and satisfy and fix what I thought was broken by my family. Will I ever be able to let myself be treated as an equal or am I doomed to my own version of slavery?

Signed,

Seeking Emancipation

Dear Scarlett O’Crazy
I had to let this one sink in for a bit. First let me start by saying “girl you are fucked up”. Though I will dispense with my wisdom here in this column your first step should be to seek professional help. First off, you are not your family and by no means owe anyone anything. If we all tried to right the wrongs of our forefathers we would never move ahead. Being submissive in the bedroom is one thing, but outside of the bedroom it gets pretty damn annoying, as you can see by your current situation. You did no wrong to this current boyfriend and you must understand his confusion when you want to be degraded and humiliated. If you want this to work out in any way shape or form you must get over this misguided sense of indebtedness. It sounds to me like you have deeper issues that this delicate magnolia of a column writer is unable to handle in the confines of a reply. Get a therapist so he can help you sort out fiction from fantasy. What two people agree upon in the bedroom is one thing, but to carry over that crazy shit into everday life is bonkers. Lincoln freed the slaves long ago, free yourself from your imaginary shackles. With regards to the West Indian man you are currently seeing, ummm if it doesn’t work out
can I get his phone number.

Gusty

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